Lamentation

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The Battle of Raven & Silver

battle of raven and silver note

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SUCCESS!!!!!! What Lies Beneath now available in the UK!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1517409527

 

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Mothers Day. An UnBeautiful Post

I am (re re re) reading Amanda Palmer’s ‘The Art of Asking’ and have gotten to the part where she calls her mom for advice on a talk she has been scheduled to give. They wind up having an amazing conversation over wine and hours. A lot of it surprising to Amanda who wondered why she didn’t know any of it…mostly because she had never taken her mother seriously. 

Sometimes I get an internal ‘click’ when something important nudges my placid psyche. 
This was more of a Die Hard explosion. 
(AND ON MOTHERS DAY TOO….she blinked in disbelief)
I had what can be generously described as a problematic relationship with my mother. Tens of bazillions of books, articles, songs, movies, operas etc have been produced on the same topic. Scarcely a novelty.
But…I think about it now, once in a while,
(Wince. Another sharp jab of guilt; only once in a while…)
and I never quite understood the basic problem.
We loved each other, I’m pretty sure. She loved me almost too much I think. In an overwhelming scared kind of never let you out of her sight type of love. Which went over not at all to a strong willed girl? woman? pre-woman? Certainly she never ‘got’ me. And I didn’t get her either and was as dismissive as any other teenaged angsty superior didn’t really know shit daughter in this turbulent history.
But in my older, wiser (?) days I think we just really didn’t like each other. She was fearful of everything and taught me to be afraid too. No arguments because they weren’t nice. Lies? Yes. She lied all the time; to my stepfather, to her parents, to other people. It was easier to enmesh yourself in lies than confront. (Man I have been YEARS in shaking that off)
If we hadn’t been related and thrown together by the shackles of blood and responsibility and guilt (heavy on the guilt)  I don’t think we would have had anything to do with each other.
I used to promise myself I would be better, I would overlook the things that grated on me any time we were together. I would smile more, I wouldn’t  let her know how I dreaded the visits…
I played a part, not too well, for her occasionally. Promising myself to do better next time.
Next time.
And then, unexpectedly, she died. Without warning. In her sleep. At 63. 
I could have been kinder.
I should have been kinder.
I don’t know if anything would have ever been different. I lacked a certain connection with her somehow. I saw that more clearly after I had my own children. 
I have come to think that perhaps she simply didn’t like being a mother. 
And I grieve for a relationship I never had, for a woman I never reached out enough to. For a person who taught me things I needed mostly to unlearn.
And for woman trapped into a time that offered her nothing else.
©jayetomas2016
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Amazon Bound…A Desperate Tale; Chimera On A Quest

I am bound for the secret lair on Amazon (uk) Mountain to beg the Dread High Poobah (marketing division) to release my book;What Lies Beneath. Wish me luck as I cross hill and dale and rill and fen and (damn, WHERE is my thesaurus) and ….uhhh….other places.

I will approach the Doomed Place of Amaz……

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Sneak past the Fiercesome guards….

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Until I stand and face the Dread High Poobah (marketing division) face to face….err…..collar bone, and make my demands. Or beg. Begging seems likely. I mean, look at the size of him!

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Will I be successful? Will I leave with a happy sack full of my books to send to all of you?

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Or will I be treated as…..

 

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Only time and the internet will tell.

Stay tuned……

Chimera On A Quest

 

 

**if any Gentle Readers are so inclined, please feel free to email Amazon.co.uk and ask WHEN WHEN WHEN (that would make a great song….never mind, FOCUS) the long awaited “What Lies Beneath” by the elegant, erudite and just darn nice poetess Jaye Tomas will be available.  Anyone doing this will earn my heartfelt gratitude….and possibly cookies.**

 

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Patience…where to find it. Where to buy it.

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‘What Lies Beneath’  still not available on the UK Amazon site….although a third party has listed one for almost £70!!!! *reeling* Can’t imagine there will be a lot of people lining up for that….

It is available in America. In Spain. In India. In France. In Russia……but the UK just won’t give in. Hard feelings about the tea?
Have put in an inquiry (enquiry?) to Amazon….now just cross fingers and wait. You know….patiently. Because I am all about waiting patiently.

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I will keep you updated! And I will be P…p….PA….ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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What Lies Beneath by Jaye Tomas…..EVERYBODY wants it!

godzilla and co  WLB

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