I smiled with a breezy what can you do faultline to my mouth,
and laughed and walked away,
as if I had a purpose and those words weren’t important,
mere droplets of water sliding off a ducks back,
so no one would notice
that I was skewered to my soul,
Why did I allow it?
So easy to ask.
So easy to condemn.
But impossible to explain.
I went shopping,
looking for something warm and bright and comfortable,
and instead wound up imprisoned,
a dummy in a window display,
frozen in a pose and outfitted in a style
I never wanted.
Yet I invested so much in time and energy
pulling back from the chasm became so complex it was easier to stand still,
even as it was cracking wide open,
even as the tremors made me stumble
back and forth blindly,
Too much gets buried when the landslide takes you,
so you hang on to what you can,
and you promise yourself that it will all be worth it when the earth finally settles.
And hope that the scars will fade,
before you have to explain them,
before you have to explain