You offered to banish my nightmares and be a light to shine in my darkness
to ride boldly in as befits a champion,
with white horse prancing…
To walk me, carefully, into the sunshine
and hand me tulips all golden green with dew and brightness
smiling beatifically as I breathe in the freshness….
But you do not see that I love the dark,
cannot accept that in my world I bloom like night jasmine.
I have made allies of my nightmares, using them to travel to the places
the deeper ones
the quiet ones
I cannot get through to in the cluttered and confused light of day.
There is comfort in the wells of night
and to embrace without seeing is to embrace arms wide with the deepest faith.
To move slowly into the unknown
in silent communion
the invisible veil as close as skin and
let the transforming shadows break around me
secure in this unending eclipse.
You want to save me
to be the hero and depart happily ever after
following a trail of thrown flowers.
But you never asked me what I wanted,
and cannot comprehend
when I shake my head and leave you standing alone in your goldenrod backstory
to watch in disbelief
as the shadows close around
and I leave with the penumbrous Paladin of my own choosing.