Avatars and Underbellies. Now…if that title doesn’t grab you….

Having a blog for me is a tangle. Am I a blogger? A poet? A (real) writer? A nuisance?
The thing about writing and about blogging in particular…
is that you WANT to be brilliant. (Yes, you do. Admit it.) And since deep inside, in the dark underbelly of your soul
(aren’t underbellies typically white? JAYE SHUT UP AND FOCUS)
you probably don’t believe you are, you put your best pen forward. Naturally.
So the usual-ness, the humdrum-ness and the day to day-ness……well, you brush that away like glitter from an old art project.
Until someone says this:  “I don’t know anything about you, what makes you laugh, how the weather is on your neck of the woods, or how you’ve been of late, but I hear about every single one of your book releases. You know, when you go on a date, you have to make small talk and pay for dinner before you try to sell your date your book, right? We’re not all that easy ‘cuz of our sexy avatars…”
And it hits you like a surprising ton of bricks. Have I managed to hold people at arms length not only in the real world but virtually too?
Putting my soul on paper in poetry, yeah…I got that. Typing my life, unfolding it in all its black white grey and occasional psychedelic puddles in *gulp* real time, real just plain old fashioned letter kind of writing?….makes me nervous. Makes me not want to do it. Makes me want to use an image of a tall blond beautiful English professor and try to pass her off as me. I’m not going to do that though. Call it a small act of trust. Maybe you are interested. Maybe you aren’t. 
For what its worth, here is my underbelly, whatever the color……
I’m at that annoying not one thing or another age. Middle aged is only middle if you know where the end is. (55 if you want specifics.)
I am originally from Chicago. I live elsewhere now and do not like it. I am working hard at trying to make a move, many components to this however. Lottery or worldwide best seller would help…
I have written all my life but never got any encouragement from the (very) few people I shared it with.The internet changed that.It allowed me the platform and anonymity to creep in slowly. And look around. And stick a toe in the water. Very glad I finally had the courage to submerge if not actually dive in. I expected to sink like a stone. Nobody was more surprised than I was to find out I could float.
I like hedgehogs and dogs and most animals. Jury is still out on possums.
I like to cook. I like to feed people.
I am obsessed with books. I love them. Love to read, never happier than when I am. Love the old ones for their look and feel. Kindle? meh.
I can only take being around a large group of people for limited amounts of time. Crowds and me are not the best of friends. I have recently joined a non virtual writers group and they are all very nice and very helpful and supportive.Good people, smart people, friendly. 
And I still have to force myself to go. Marketing myself is one of my worst nightmares. Right after the running from the monster and can’t get your feet to move one.
However, I have three grownup (*sob*) daughters and can spend limitless time with them. Ditto for the Grandchildren of Absolute Perfection.
What makes me laugh? Puns. The worse they are the better I like them. The Far Side. Bloom County. Eddie Izzard. Pauline and Carmel singing ABBA songs.
I have developed a deep suspicion of formal religion. Not faith. Just formal religion.
Politics has become a bad, not funny at all, joke.
I dislike celery, smoking, romance novels, invasive people and any pizza with corn on it. (I have seen it with my own eyes….an abomination)
I admire spiders but from afar. Way way afar. Like….different counties.
I wave my hands around when I write. And when I talk.
I work pretty hard but still suspect deep down I am lazy. That demeaning never satisfied voice inside….hard to silence even after all these years.
I love lightning and Assam tea and Russian art.
I also love writers, bloggers, poets, scribblers. I love reading your words. All the same letters but so very, very diverse. Which really is a miracle of sorts. Don’t you think?
So there you have it – a snippet of ordinary me. 
I will try to share more. Try to take the excellent advice of my friend Anthony Servante to heart (he of the sexy avatar)
Still sorta wish I could pull off the tall blond beautiful professor….but….

About chimerapoet

I write. I write a lot. A. LOT. There are times I am half blind with a sentence ricocheting off the walls of my stupid, cant be shut off to save my life, brain. I am miserable until I get it down on paper. Punch it up a bit. Usually cross out half of it. And then breathe. Relax. Only to do it all again..... But I just thought that was me. How I am. Not a writer....noooo...not me. Writers are.....writing people. People Who Write. REALLY write. Write things that matter. All grown up very important things. Not.....me. I am just a scribbler of sorts. And I was/am content with that....if it's true, well then....a scribbler am I. Until the thought wormed its way in to my brain (the furtive sneaky bitch) that maybe...just maybe...that is writing. My style. My strange way. But....still writing. So here I am at the dance. Not sure I know any of the moves and the music is entirely mine. But.....only one way to find out. Would you care to join me?
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8 Responses to Avatars and Underbellies. Now…if that title doesn’t grab you….

  1. Thank you very much for your words and thoughts (although I don’t think people should be insisting on getting more from you than your wonderful poetry) It all sounds great except I can’t understand why you don’t like celery (I love it) – but I agree with you about corn on a pizza, eoin


  2. Thanks Jaye for that little glimpse behind the veil. Far better than a daft interview. I don’t need to know why/how/where/when/with what implement you write, but I do like to know you really are a kindred spirit (I hate corn, period) even to our ages. Hello, properly 🙂

  3. Well… hi.from judith I love assam tea as well

  4. Pauline says:

    And just what is funny about me and Carmel singing Abba songs?????

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