All I Ever Wanted

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”
~ Oscar Wilde

 
You were all.
You were all I wanted and all I ever wanted and all I would ever want
and my whole day was spent on plotting and planning and engineering a reason to see,
to speak,
 to call,
 to email,
to insert myself into your reality, 
to make myself over in your image.
You were all.
And little by little
I made progress and became a mirror for you, 
with a magic bagfull of excuses ready to provide for every occasion,
and a signed, sealed and laminated license permitting
encouraging
 you to stay absorbed in yourself
with a fanbase of one to cheer you on.
The day came and all those machinations paid off,
you were mine to have and hold…
 
Time rolled steadily on…
 
But now,
now I see without the denying rose tint.
But your roots are trained and intertwined with mine,
to pull them up would kill the tree and the tears I watered with so carefully
and consistently would have been for nothing.
Love dies.
Pity fades,
wears down by the end of each day, 
like a tissue wept into too often,
and now I plot and plan and dream of an escape…
 
©jayetomas2015
 
 

 

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About chimerapoet

I write. I write a lot. A. LOT. There are times I am half blind with a sentence ricocheting off the walls of my stupid, cant be shut off to save my life, brain. I am miserable until I get it down on paper. Punch it up a bit. Usually cross out half of it. And then breathe. Relax. Only to do it all again..... But I just thought that was me. How I am. Not a writer....noooo...not me. Writers are.....writing people. People Who Write. REALLY write. Write things that matter. All grown up very important things. Not.....me. I am just a scribbler of sorts. And I was/am content with that....if it's true, well then....a scribbler am I. Until the thought wormed its way in to my brain (the furtive sneaky bitch) that maybe...just maybe...that is writing. My style. My strange way. But....still writing. So here I am at the dance. Not sure I know any of the moves and the music is entirely mine. But.....only one way to find out. Would you care to join me?
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11 Responses to All I Ever Wanted

  1. Love this – a moment to stop read, reflect, realize the destruction of some relationships. Thank you

  2. Devastating. Beautifully described emotion.

  3. Reblogged this on Jane Dougherty Writes and commented:
    Another great one from one of my favourite new poets.

  4. Ouch. You drew that out so well, and many people can see more of their history in this than they would like to admit.

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